Helping young people navigate peer pressure and social situations
5 minutes
Belonging matters deeply to young people, and the pressure to fit in can affect how they think, behave and make decisions.
Friends and peer groups can reinforce positive values such as kindness, inclusion and looking out for others. But they can also reinforce stereotypes, disrespect and unhealthy ideas about relationships, sex and gender.
Parents and carers can't control every influence in a young person's life, but they can help young people think critically about the messages they receive and make choices that reflect their values.
You don’t have to go along with something just because someone else is doing it. Belonging shouldn't come at the expense of your values.
It's okay to disagree, set boundaries and choose not to go along with behaviour that doesn't feel right.
Young people may feel pressure across many different parts of their lives, including friends, school, social media and pop culture.
Young people may feel pressure to:
Over time, repeated exposure to these messages can shape what young people think is normal, acceptable or expected.
Helping young people recognise these pressures can help them navigate difficult situations, maintain healthy boundaries and make choices that reflect their values.
Parents and carers remain one of the most important influences in a young person's life.
Even as friends become more important, young people continue to look to trusted adults for guidance, support and perspective.
Peer pressure can affect young people of all genders, although the expectations they experience are often different.
Boys and young men may be more likely to feel pressure to appear tough, dominant or unemotional.
Girls and young women may feel pressure to be agreeable, keep the peace or put other people’s feelings first.
Trans and gender-diverse young people experience pressure to conform to rigid gender expectations or hide parts of who they are.
Young people who do not conform to these expectations experience higher rates of gender-based violence, including bullying, harassment, discrimination and social exclusion.
Peer cultures that reward aggression, dominance, control or disrespect can contribute to harmful attitudes about relationships and gender.
Helping young people challenge these expectations can support healthier relationships and help prevent harmful attitudes and behaviours from taking hold.
You don’t need to wait for the right time. You can find a moment to talk in the car, on a walk or use everyday situations as conversation starters.
A sporting moment, a social media post, a group chat, a TV show or something happening at school can all create opportunities to talk.
You could ask:
‘Do people in your friendship group expect girls and boys to behave differently?’
‘What happens when someone doesn't fit those expectations?’
‘Have you ever seen someone teased or excluded for being different?’
‘Who tends to get listened to in a group?’
‘How can pressure to fit in affect what someone says or does?’
‘Have you ever seen someone speak up when something wasn't right?’
Start with curiosity and listen before sharing your own views. Focus on understanding your young person's perspective first, rather than trying to correct or convince them straight away.
These conversations don't have to be perfect.
Young people are more likely to keep talking if they feel listened to rather than judged.
Lots of small conversations over time are often more effective than one big discussion.
Even when young people know what's right, it isn't always easy to act on it.
Young people may know something doesn't feel right but still struggle to speak up, especially if they fear being excluded or judged.
You can help them practise possible responses such as:
The goal isn't to tell young people exactly what to do in every situation. It's to help them build confidence, recognise their options and make choices that reflect their values.
Read about how to recognise and respond to disrespect.
Help boys question restrictive ideas about masculinity and develop healthier, more respectful ways of relating to others.
Practical advice for parents and carers to help young people understand respect, equality and healthy relationships.